39 wisdoms from my 39 years

I’m 39 today, and for a second year in a row my age it is not a prime number. Prime numbers are simple, as they don’t allow to be divided by anything. So, having a “smart” and a “wise” number, and a considerable number of years to gain an experience, here it comes, my wisdoms so far:

1. Courage: to be used for the right things.

It was time and energy consuming. Now I pull this card out when going to the dentist.

2. Accept the changing faces of friendship.

My friends and I grew and changed, grew apart and find our ways back. Or not. I learnt not to burden friendships with expectations of exclusivity, longevity or sameness.

3. Happiness beats failed expectations.

This is from when I was quite young, my parents, especially my mum put very high expectations on me (whether about my performance in the school, or the way I dress). I failed some, probably many of them. They were not my expectations to begin with. Fulfilling those never translated into longtime happiness, but failing some to stay happy payed out.

4. Dreams can turn into nightmares because of indecisiveness.

Sometimes I felt I should have reacted in time to reach my dreams. I guess I lacked experience to estimate better, and bravery to risk more than I was ready to.

5. Letting go enables new things to happen.

I learned this relatively early, and it repeated as a pattern in my life. It is the usual: bad relationships, which are better to cease; but also grandma’s passing that allowed me to go on in life in a different direction.

6. Being diverse and different is harder, but also more rewarding.

Everything about my origins was diverse from the geo location where I grew up: patchwork family, not belonging to the uniform genetic/nationalistic makeup of the early transition communist country (with a re-discovered love for conservatism and religion), having my own style of clothing, music and appreciation for minorities and in general people living on the fringes of a society. This made it super easy to live in different countries and find amazing friends from all over the world.

7. Being nice can get you far, but a “fuck off” will get you there too (eventually)

I can’t be nice the whole time. Sometimes I got fed up with people not understanding that respect is a two way street. In my particular case, it is a lot about personal self respect, and the lack of patience to be constantly nice to people don’t giving a fuck about me.

8. Passion is important, especially when it seems all else is lost.

Passion got me through some dark patches in life.

One of my passions.

9. Everything is an opportunity.

Me eating muscles for the first time, as grossed as I was, curiosity was stronger. Nowadays I love them.

10. Avoid and leave situations and people that make you sick.

I learned that this is usually a situation that needs to be resolved ASAP. Granted, it is not always possible to do it fast, as there might be other dependancies. Bad situations are in general deadly for body and mind in a long run, but they are also offering some learnings (as long as it doesn’t take too long).

11. Gut feeling eventually proves to be correct.

I have a very strong one, the one I can rely to. I think I developed it during the war, as a survival instinct, and it has always served me well.

12. Being manipulated or manipulating the others? Being manipulated.

I like to keep my moral grounds. Manipulation takes a lot of energy, and it is a trait of an insecure individual. I rather choose to build my important superpowers.

13. Integrity is more than for a show.

I read somewhere that everyone starts their life as an idealist, and then through time compromise to something that is not really an integrity. Unfortunately pragmatism often beats integrity, I have seen a lot of that.

14. War is a bad place for everyone, so provide shelter whenever you can.

Being present in one of the wars as a teen, I know nothing good comes from it, people are mostly thrown into it, and not being able to choose. It is our natural instinct to escape those situations and look for a shelter.

15. World doesn’t understand individual wellbeing.

I tried to make the people around me aware of my individual needs, otherwise they have no way of understanding what they might be. Understanding that communication is important to convey a message, and also to explain why is that important to me was a big move from my early teen years of frustration into the adulthood.

16. Fuck-ups are a part of my daily routine. I embrace them.

I have at least one fuck-up per day. Sometimes it is as simple as broken pants or forgotten gym card. Other times it is forgotten call to a family member or a friend celebrating birthday. It happens, and it is ok.

17. Love comes in all the forms and shapes, I don’t waste it, and I don’t fail to recognise it.

One of the two guineapigs we have. They love us in their own way.

18. For me having a dog is better than not having one.

Dogs are great, even if they might be a pain and nuisance at times.

This is our current dog, Polly.

19. I need to take care of myself first.

If I am not good and in a good place, I will not be able to take care of the people and things that need my attention. I learned to conserve my energy for myself first, when I don’t — it takes me ages to recover.

20. Bad people can be found everywhere, but are dealt with differently.

From early on: bad teachers, bad classmates, later bad bosses and bad coworkers…they are people: bad people you would avoid in your everyday life, so minimise the interaction until you can fly off.

21. Parents stopped knowing me best in my teens, but still don’t realise that.

It took some time for me to realise that, and the transition years, when their advices would be off, and me not understanding why were painful. Looking back — we should have communicated more.

22. Death is hard and pointless, and I never found a good way of dealing with it.

23. I take many of my losses and imagine how would success look like.

24. I (re)measure my health.

I am big on this, I find it important. It helps in many dimensions.

25. Life can be sucky and unfair, but being sad about it doesn’t help at all.

26. People don’t like listening about complaints, but solutions.

Including me.

27. I don’t accept people telling me “it is impossible”.

28. Harder way of doing things in life has it’s perks.

Harder way will always result in good story to tell. Sometime, in the future.

29. I have good and shit luck in life.

I count on both, in different amounts.

30. I tend not to transfer more than three bulletpoints of information per conversation.

This is the measure I can uptake, so I apply it to the others.

31. When people ask me to be patient, I make sure they are not lazy and inefficient.

Patience is ok if processes take long time, not if people are slacking and I am awaiting for a life-changing decisions.

32. I reflect before I go to sleep and let all the negative of the day leave me.

I let the sleep be my buildup of goodness for the next day.

Reflecting can help becoming a better, more centered person.

33. Jesus is real, he works at Bayer.

That is me, pitching in front of Jesus.

34. Some questions do not have an answer.

And I am ok with letting them pass, they are meant to fill the silence.

35. I am ok to share everything except my underwear, my partner and my toothbrush.

36. I try to be good to the nature, who knows how long will it be here.

37. Chose your cause in life, and however small it is, pursue it. Don’t give up on it easily.

I have chosen mine, cause is very important, it propels me forward. It is my passion and my reward.

38. Hobbies relax until they become fixations.

39. Drinking ability and capacity to put up with bullshit drastically decreases in 30s

It’s our failing biology.